and i've never told you 'til just now (swan queen)
by bobbingformangos
Summary: SQ Prompt: instead of Henry walking in on Regina and Robin in the hall, Emma does.


raw and unedited moments.

i listened to "home" by edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros on repeat.

* * *

You have determined that it's not healthy. The way she kisses him, that is. There is nothing healthy about that and you really should stop it. It wasn't right and everything in you was screaming that it wasn't right, it was wrong, and it needed to stop.

But you stay there, frozen in place, because sometimes people forget that you are a breathing human with emotions and right now your emotions are screaming and your heart is breaking in a way that you didn't know was possible and you wonder when you actually cared who Regina Mills kissed.

But you do.

It's nearly a sad fact, but it a fact none the less and you care so much that she is kissing him with a school girl giddiness and he is caressing her face in a tenderness that she fucking deserves and it pisses you off that you care what Regina Mills deserves.

But you quickly remind yourself that there was something that is sitting wrong inside and its not because it should be you sneaking off to kiss her but something else.

Its a fact, really, this feeling.

It's absolutely unhealthy the way that she kisses him.

It's down right dangers the way he kisses her.

And just as they pull apart you quickly slide back inside the room and take a seat in the chair waiting for her with your parents. Your eyebrows are furrowed in a way that if you parents actually raised you, knew you, they would be able to understand that you were downright unhappy and similar to a petulant child.

Regina walks in as if she was floating and the smile looked good on her face and so did the blush but you settle deeper into the chair, scowling even more, because it wasn't you that caused her that feeling.

It wasn't you loving her.

And, Emma Swan, that was an epiphany that put you on edge enough to scream at your own child moments later.

* * *

You watched him stroll into the boat house and it didn't feel right. Your stomach was swirling with mistrust and jealousy and it was quite a new feeling for you.

You were downright pissed when he walked out with your son and his other mother and you were even more angry that Hook tried to act innocent in what he was trying to do.

You missed New York more than ever in that moment and you realized, as the door closed behind your family, that you will never have a chance at that again.

Neal told you, right before he died, to find Tallahassee, but you wondered if that was even possible now.

If you wanted it now.

Because Regina once provided you New York and that was what you wanted now more than ever.

It would be better if she was there with the two of you.

And then you realized that you needed to stop naming your happiness after places, because places were never meant to be homes.

* * *

You two saved the world.

Together.

Again.

That should mean something.

* * *

She doesn't understand why you brush her off or scowl at her now. She doesn't see the looks that you give her when she holds his hand or offers his son chocolate ice cream or when they kiss when they think no one is looking or when Henry talks about how they all went to the stables because, really, you would learn how to ride a fucking horse if that meant spending time with your family.

Yes, your family.

You are pouting more and more each day and no one seems to fucking care and that is probably what causes you to start drinking that night a few weeks after the showdown where you save the world, again, with Regina, again.

Ruby is pouring your third vodka and cran when they walk into the diner.

They spent another day at the stables and Henry spent more time with his other mother saying that she hadn't seen him in a year but you haven't seen him in nearly a week and it fucking hurt.

Then again, you haven't seen your mother in nearly a week either because she was consumed by Ruth to notice you.

So, really, Emma Swan, you were alone and you needed to accept that.

So you take another drink in the back booth with your head down and your eyes glued to your phone and maybe it was nice that no one bothered you.

"Your eyes are red, Miss Swan," Regina comments as she slides into the seat across from you and you give a lazy smile at her. The red dress that she is wearing paired with the leather jacket makes her look fucking hot and you couldn't contain that smile for a second.

You crinkle your nose and nod, "Yep." You let your lips pop out as you emphasized on the "pah".

Her nose crinkles too but not in an amused way but in a way that says that she is worried. She reaches a hand across the table, her glove gone in a puff of purple that causes your smile to brighten and your eyes to gloss over, and her hand comes over yours and squeezes. She's worried, thats what that nose crinkle says. She's worried.

And if she's worried about you, Swan, that means she cares about you. Right?

"Lets get out of here, Emma, okay?" She asks softly, caressing your hand so fucking softly that you just nod your head heavily.

She takes a moment to find Ruby and they lock eyes before she nods in your son's direction. You guys Ruby nods back because you are soon overtaken by Regina's purple smoke to your bedroom at Granny's.

You think, for a moment, that you'll have to invest in a place soon.

But you don't think too long because Regina has her arm around your waist and you are leaning into her side for support and she's being so gentle with you, so soft, and her fingers are caressing your side.

And then, you fucking break out in tears.

* * *

There is nothing attractive about a breakdown, but you were due one.

You needed one.

"I'm surprised you haven't broke down earlier, Emma," she whispers into your ear as she caresses your hair, running her fingers through the blonde tangled mess, while holding you closer into her chest. You were on the bed, Regina on her back and holding you close, and she seemed bigger as she held you even though you knew that you were taller and slightly bigger than she was.

And you have been crying, sobbing and hiccuping, into the soft skin of her chest for what seemed like hours.

It could have been hours, the mood was high outside the window, but you weren't sure because you were now in that stage of gasping for breaths, it hurt your throat and lungs, but you still tried.

And the hand that was holding you close, pressing into the small of your back, was caressing circles there too and calmed you just a tiny bit.

You think about the contrast between how she is with him and how she is with you and its so very different.

It natural and beautiful, you would like to think, the way the two of you are.

But you don't dwell on that thought, comparing, because right now Regina is holding you and soothing you and understanding you in a way that no one else has stopped and tried.

She repeats herself, "I really am, Emma. I would have lashed out way before now. Actually, I think I have, many times."

And that makes you smile into her chest, a watery smile, and she feels it. You think of all the fights you had before you broke the first curse and all the fights you had after you broke the first curse and the ways you guys lashed out at each other and it caused you comfort, that strong emotion.

That, right there, was healthy emotion for the two of you. Wasn't it? Probably not, but it was intense.

You nod into her chest and slide your hands up her sides and it causes her to shiver in a way people do when their lover's hands are on them and you don't know how to take it. So you pass over that and comment, "Good times."

Her laugh is husky, unhindered as she nodded and continued to run her fingers through your golden hair.

You want to talk more.

You want to ask her why she was there and why she was so gentle with you and you wanted to get lost in her voice but her breath started to even and her hands slowed down and, just like her, you were fading too.

* * *

You had a dream that you shared a home with her and Henry was slightly older and there were two babies who were playing in the grass on their stomachs, their noses getting tickled by the bright green grass causing their faces to pucker up and caused belly laughs to escape your mouth and her mouth and henry's mouth.

You were happy.

Henry was ecstatic.

And for the first time, you think Regina was completely content.

* * *

"I don't want to wake up," you murmur against her shoulder, your lips pressing against the exposed skin and you can taste the salt.

She draws her nails across your lower back, the sliver of skin exposed from your shirt riding up, and she whispers into your ear, voice filled with sleep, "Miss Swan, you are a sweaty mess and making me quite uncomfortable."

You are cold and you know that you tend to get a cold sweat when you get drunk, but you just cuddle more because the sun isn't up yet and she will just have to get over it because she was so uncomfortable.

Plus, when the sun comes up, you're sure that she won't ever let you do this again.

Not when she has a happy family.

And then you smile against your skin and you can feel her nails trail harder against your lower back. She nuzzles her face into your neck and it confuses you a little, but you both are sleepy and its the middle of the night and you are sweating all over her, so you don't think too hard on it.

She whispers, "Why are you smiling?"

And you open your mouth to tell her about your dream. You sleepily confess about two women who fell in love at some point in their stories and raised their son and had two other little babies and sat in the grass laughing as they watched the infants under the sun and in the garden. You turn your head so that your voice is in her ear as you paint the picture of the family and explain the belly laughs and tell her about the babies with two different colored eyes and hair and how they were filled with a magic unknown to this world.

And Regina's hold on you gets stronger.

More desperate.

And you wonder if she wants that just as much as you do.

"What are their names?" She murmurs against you when you think that she is asleep. But she is not and she inquires and catches you off guard.

You didn't know your names, so instead your answer is, "Does their names matter when we were so happy?"

* * *

She's not there when you wake up but when you look in the mirror, ready to wash your face, there is lipstick marks on your forehead and your cheek and she cared enough about you to kiss you goodbye.

* * *

Henry is walking with you on the beach three weeks later. He started to remember that he had two mothers, that he loved equally and desperately, and made it his mission to split the time fairly.

For him and not because of you and Regina and you were happy that he did it for himself.

You and him spent the day looking for a house to move into. Most were taken but not all of them and you tried to narrow it all down. What would be perfect for the two of you.

But then you found one that was perfect.

You were sure of it when you saw the small bungalow sitting near the beach and a mile off main street and by the park that Regina build for Henry and it was just perfect, central, but away.

But it wasn't the colored siding of the house, the mustard yellow, or the red door that got you (although it was quiet nice), it was the backyard that was in your dream.

You could hear the belly laughs and you knew that this was it.

Henry bumped your shoulder and you break from your thoughts and smile at him. He was growing too fast and you were happy for the memories Regina gave to you, because it didn't matter if they were fabricated, they were yours and his and in them he also grew up with you.

"Mom broke up with Robin last week," Henry offered up once your bare feet started to slosh through the waves. He starts to laugh as he turns to you, eyes scrunched up, "She told me to never settle for what a fairy tells you."

You stopped walking, your chest caving in on itself as you process what your son just said.

And his eyes are now worried as he tilts his head at you and puts a hand up to block the sun from his eyes. "Ma, what's wrong?"

And really, nothing is wrong.

Nothing at all.

And so you grab his arm and run with him away from the beach, pulling him along and forgetting the shoes resting near the water.

* * *

Henry knew something big was about to happen but also knew that it wasn't about him. You smile at that, the kid's ability to know when he should and shouldn't be around.

So he goes into the family room to play a video game and you head to the backyard because apparently that is were she was.

You're breathing harder because you don't really know what to say but it should be something meaningful.

It should be important and it should tell her that she means the world to you or something like that.

And you are on the back pouch looking down at her as she stands up from her rose bushes and looks at you. The wide brim sunhat that she is wearing is precious and the sunglasses even better but you wish you could see her eyes.

But she was there, a smile tugging at her lips, and it makes you blurt out, "I bought a house today."

And she cringes and tilts her head, reaching up to take off her sunglasses so that you could meet her eyes as she walks closer. She opens her mouth to speak, there is confusion on her face, but words don't come out of her lips and you begin to talk instead.

"Its a nice house," you continue and you know that these aren't the words that you wanted to say but you continue. "It has three bedrooms or four if you count the office and its cozy, not too big or small."

"That's nice, Miss Swan," she says, her voice thick as she comes to stand in front of you. Her face is scrunched up and you know its not because of the bright sun.

You nod, continuing, stepping forward with a smile on your face because maybe the next words will be right. So you take her hand, the electricity sparking, "It's very nice, actually, you should see the backyard, Regina."

And those are the right words because her face slowly moves to recognition of the night she held you and you murmured about a dream of sitting with her and Henry and two babies in the back yard.

And she squeezes your hand in her own and she lets out a breath of laughter that turns into a deeper laughter and soon, you guys are leaning against each other laughing.

Because after everything, every single thing that has happened in the last few years, you guys deserved and needed this.

You were just Emma and she was just Regina and so what if both of you guys knew magic and were fairy tale characters, you guys finally put the pieces together.

* * *

She makes dinner in the kitchen of the new house.

She doesn't move in but you know that she will eventually. You noticed the extra boxes at the mansion and hear her offhanded comments about how it was always too big and how she makes comments about you getting a comfortable bed because there was no way she will sleep with you if it wasn't.

And its a fluttering feeling, like flowers blooming, in your chest as you sit at the small breakfast table with her and Henry as you three eat dinner together as a family.

* * *

"You have a nice home, Emma," she whispers into your ear as she presses her body into yours. The doors are open to let the spring air into the room and you can see the stars over the backyard and its beautiful, to lay in bed and look out the opened double doors at the night sky.

You kiss Regina's shoulder and then above her head, hooking a finger in her night shirt so that you can get better access to the swell of her breast to kiss, before coming up and looking into her eyes.

Regina smiles at you, crinkles her nose at you, and caresses your skin and this, this was healthy. This unfolding of this relationship was healthy and beautiful and probably the brightest thing that has every happened to you in your life.

And so, you lean forward to press your lips against her's, clutching her closer so that your hearts beat together, before pulling apart and your lips breaking out into a huge smile.

You kiss her nose and quickly leans up to kiss your nose and it's so fucking cute that you start to laugh at the game the two of you get lost in.

And then your hand is over her heart, caressing, and you settle your laughs and nod you head at her. You tap a finger against her heart, "I do have a nice home."

She looks down, between the two of you, realizing your gesture before looking up at you and nodding her head. Her hand moves around to tap against your heart as she agrees, "Me too, Emma, me too."

You were right.

It didn't matter what their names were or who birthed them or if they were boys or girls or both.

What mattered was that when you leaned into Regina's side, under the trees of your backyard, next to your son and watched the infants play in the grass for the first time, was that you were happy.

All five of you were happy.

Finding home in each other.

And that was truly what mattered.


End file.
